Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
