you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Found the puke drawer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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