woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
