The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
