I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
