I am spending my child support on dildos
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
