He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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