she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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