You just made me feel so damn special
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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