How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
