Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
