Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
