There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
