im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
