and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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