i permit you to call me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
