epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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