called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
