I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
