I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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