I am in a vortex of obligation.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
