Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
