how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
