guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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