Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
