Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
