I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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