Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
