She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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