i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
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