is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think people are normalizing furries
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize