You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
that's an acceptable place to lick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
