Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
