What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
