Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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