My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
