You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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