I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
