I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
