I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
