Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Cover your peen. We're going out.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
