so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
