I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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