can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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