Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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