we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
