I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
