We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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