So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
