My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
