Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
