i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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