just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
As shirtless as possible
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
