I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
