I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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