i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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