i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
