You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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