he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
