Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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