Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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