First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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