I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
