I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
