First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
