my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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