the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
