I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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