I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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